Two months of struggle living as a Gringo

Mañana marks two months in Nicaragua and I'm feeling like a true defeated, exhausted, foreign gringo. Ironic based on the time and connections I've spent here; however, the lack of Spanish and white colored skin pins an unspoken bulls eye and perception of "stupid Americano girl." This frustration is not voiced to place blame, but instead to appreciate and learn moving forward in my own life. Do not assume or perceive, only base opinions on interaction and experience. Words and image mean nothing; actions speak so loud - one cannot hear a word that is being stated. I live and will continue to live this thought and lesson whole heartedly. I've spent enough time, energy and willpower accomplishing work objectives that are beyond overlooked as convenient in first world countries to feel the full effect of exhaustion and near surrender. My deepest lows, never ending days, and toughest tasks are counterbalanced with manic highs consisting of excursions experiencing the purest untouched beauty and adventures this country has to offer. For that I'm thankful. My heart and soul have felt and seen beauty I did not know existed. The few and far between days off absorbing the energy and uniqueness of Nicaraguan beaches and volcanoes are worth the mayhem and constant struggle I'm otherwise faced with 24/7. In this moment, I miss feeling as though I belong. I am tired. Tired of the struggle. To be clear - life on the coast is night and day in comparison to life in the cities and eastern Caribbean mountains of Nicaragua. Whenever I retreat to the coast I feel refreshed and re energized with excitement, innocence and joy. It's the cities and attempt for work productivity that sucks the life from you. So to conclude this rather drab and anticlimactic post, I feel so appreciative for my life, my family, my friends, my education, my opportunities, my health, my intuition and ethical being instilled within my heart and soul. I am proud of myself, my actions and the respect I've given in situations that have tested my character. I have nothing but respect for the life I have and continue to encounter. Here's to keeping on, believing in yourself and appreciating the things in your life that make your heart feel. Smile, laugh, enjoy. You only have one life to live - be strong, be brave, and live with no regrets...the jump is worth it, I promise.

Peace, love and happiness!

Some pictures of highlights in Nica are below:

Just trying to drive out east at 4am this morning

The most beautiful sunsets

 

Inside a lava tube cave - LOVE!